For years, he would brag, “I don’t run marathons. I don’t run half marathons. I don’t run period!” and give his wife grief whenever she tried to get him to run with her. The pooh really hit the fan when she tried signing him up for a local 5K charity race six months ago. “What part of I don’t run don’t you get?” He told her exasperated “If I run that race, you might as well get me another sticker “0.2, I dropped dead’. You are not ready to be a widow are you?”
Until he placed the sticker on his car, he felt compelled to tell everyone he was NOT a runner upon getting out of his wife’s car (which he felt, looked like a brag book for running). After buying the sticker, his stress levels reduced significantly knowing that “When people see this sticker on my car they will know I’m truthful about my laziness.” He would brag to his friends that he was a couch potato, and detail his complete lack of desires to run. He also has since met enough non-runner friends due to this 0.0 car sticker, they started a meetup group that met once a month to discuss the obnoxious running stickers that seem to be growing in popularity and popping up on cars all over the Portland Metro area.
His wife finally relinquished her dreams of running with her hubby. That was until she came home early from work last week to find him running. As she pulled up near the home, she spied him running down Mill Plain BLVD in Vancouver, and the shock almost caused a crash from the car behind her when she braked. She gathered her bearings, followed him from a distance, and watched as he opened the garage door and stowed all his running gear in a secret box. He then ran inside to throw his clothes in the washing machine and take a shower to erase all evidence of his running. She pulled into the driveway and ran into the house to confront him!
Caught red-handed, Brian admitted he had been running for weeks. He was getting ready for a race in June where he was promised copious amounts of beer, Cuban cigars, and poker at the finish line. When asked how he thought he could get away with this, he sheepishly smiled and kept quiet. His wife immediately took him to his car, handed him an exacto-knife and forced him to take off his ‘0.0’ sticker and cancel that’s night’s ‘0.0’ Meet up.
Happy April Fool’s Day. This is a completely fictitious and fun article!