I Quit. (The Confessions of a Weekend Warrior)

I quit.  I'm done.  It only took 20 minutes today, four laps around a small pond in my neighborhood, to decide this.  I'm fat.  I'm old, and if "you're only as old as you think you are"  then I am falling apart.  The "knee armpit" on my left side is achy and my right hip is giving me stabbing grief.  I can't keep up like this.

Perhaps this should be my mantra for awhile.

Now, before we que up the whinny violin music, I’d like to clarify that it was 20 minutes of exercise (albeit slow walking) to boost enough endorphins for me to realize that “I quit quitting on myself.”  Everyone starts somewhere and we start our journey at different stages…but I feel as if after 15 (or so) half marathons and numerous  races of various other distances, I am back at square one.  I am back to walking and peppering in a few short jogs.  I’m back to strength training more than covering any distance as I strengthen my knees and hips.

How did I get here? Good question. I walked away from the Hop Hop Half in 2015 and I didn’t jump at the chance to run another race.  I moved twice in a year and life just sorta got busy with me pushing the one thing I needed to make a priority further and further down the list.  Running? Not exactly. It was me. Instead of responding to stress with sleeping in and chocolate, I needed to be outside and walking or running.  I’ve completed a few 5K’s since my last big race, but not without a bit of shame as I only get slower and slower and do nothing to prepare for each race.

Is it hard to admit this? Yeah.

Is it humbling? Maybe I feel a little more ashamed of myself and humiliated than humbled.

Am I going to keep going?  You betcha. I know that my personality struggles with being lazy at times and I’m sure to have an excuse ready to go before I even set a goal, but there is a truth for me that running equals happiness. Maybe it isn’t even “running”, but it’s certainly taking one step in front of the other and moving forward that keeps me sane.

That’s all we can do. Keep moving forward.

As I looked for the positive of my achy situation around the pond today, I realized that I have been choosing to do what is “easy” and trying to avoid potential discomfort and even pain. This is probably human nature and even an important survival mechanism, but all it has caused me is more pain. Quite literally, being lazy has caused me more pain than running has ever caused. Being sedentary has increased my physical weight which stresses the arthritis in my knee and my irritated hip bursitis. But perhaps in admitting this to you, fellow reader, I will continue in this conscious decision to remain mindful of my human nature, my supreme excuse making skills, and keep moving forward. You might not see me running (or running very fast) but you’re going to see a whole lot more of me out there, because I quit. I quit quitting on myself.

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